Best and Worst

Best Thing of Today
Much relaxing and sleeping and eating and chatting with HL

Worst Thing of Today
The realisation that I’m not living my ‘best life’…crap, I have to step up to the plate and swing

Worst and Best

Worst Thing of Today
Hour upon hour of domestic duties – my goodness, a small house filled with only 2 peoples and 2 cats still seems to need a lot of cleaning

Best Thing of Today
Nothing really felt like a ‘best thing’ today…it all felt ‘moderate’

Sunlight

Morning Sun

Morning Sun

Worst and Best

Worst Thing of Today
An unpleasant doctor visit

Best Thing of Today
Leaving work early on a Friday 🙂

Worst and Best

Worst Thing of Today
So much pressure from grumpy and tense people at work

Best Thing of Today
Joy and laughter with friends over Moroccan chicken and almond biscotti

Homesick

We had an American family who are here on sabbatical enrol two of their children at school today. I get a rush of excitement every time I hear an American accent around me, so it was lovely to meet them and chat, albeit just for a very short while. I miss America terribly, so it just seemed natural to talk about Seattle as ‘home’, which was a bit surprising to them.

The longer I’m ‘home’ here in Australia the more I realise how American-ized I became while living there. I will always be Australian, and Australia will always be my heritage, but America looms large in my thought patterns and tastes and desires.

Seattle…the islands and the mountains and the Pike Place Market and the lakes and the winerys and the deserts and the coffee and the music and the ‘Shakespeare in the Park’ and the snow in winter and the ferrys and the farmers’ markets and the seafood (sushi!) and the funkiness and the ‘Nutcracker Suite’ at Christmas and Leavenworth and Winthrop and the crazy-ass indoor malls and the shopping and the Space Needle and the Seattle Centre and the monorail and Bellevue and the houseboats and the Hiram Chittenden Locks and the Norwegian-ness and the Japanese-ness and Lake Union and Lake Washington and the Puyallup Fair and U Dub. and Ivars and dungeness crab and Gasworks Park and the piers on the waterfront…

I’m sick with longing.

Best and Worst

Best Thing of Today
Delicious roast dinner (gravy from scratch, and everything 🙂 )

Worst Thing of Today
Continual brain over-stimulation – I feel like my head’s going to explode through my eyeballs

Best and Worst

Best Thing of Today
These three CDs arrived in the mail today

Worst Thing of Today
Much angst for HL about career direction

Worst and Best

Worst Thing of Today
$900 worth of bills *shudder*

Best Thing of Today
Finally got the fire going rather than huddling ’round the gas heater

Funny Things Said By My Husband

Me, after HL playfully tried to poke my nose: Hey! You’re not allowed to pick my nose! I’m the only one allowed to pick my nose.

HL: God is allowed to…

Me: Well, I don’t think God really wants to pick my nose.

HL: He picked it once, before you were born.

Best and Worst

Best Thing of Today
Had nothing annoying or frustrating scheduled for today

Worst Thing of Today
I let today slip through my fingers

Best and Worst

Best Thing of Today
Hilarity and thought-provocation

Worst Thing of Today
Speech after boring speech at a local cultural event – Good grief! They would not stop rambling…

You are not me… *lightbulb*

Yesterday HL started work (driving a cab) at 7.30am and came back at 8am to take me to work. (We’ve recently become a 1 car family and it involves some tricky organisationing.) When he arrived he asked if I’d prefer to be dropped off at the car so I could have it after work and so he wouldn’t have to come and pick me up at the end of the day. That sounded like a good plan so – “Sure!”.

As we were driving we turned off the usual route to where the car usually is parked (quite close to work for me) and started heading out of town.

“Huh? Where are we going?”

“I’m parked at a different place today. You may have noticed I’m driving a different taxi than usual.”

“Oh, yeah…so you are. Well, how far is it? I don’t want to be late.”

“I don’t know, just up here a bit.”

“Oh…ok…it better not be too far out of town, or I’m gonna be late.”

I don’t know, ok?? Just up here a bit.”

*annoyed silence from me*, and then…

“Well, look, can you remember if it’s a long way out? It’s already quarter past 8 and I’m s’posed to be there in a few minutes and we haven’t even got to the car yet…You should have mentioned to me that the car was parked out of town before I decided. I would have said no, or we could have left earlier. I’m quite annoyed actually, ‘cos I’M the one that’s going to have to explain why I’m late, you’re already at work.”

“FINE…stop complaining, it’s too late now.”

“But I’m going to be late! Is it up here? What’s the road called?”

“Tait Road. I think it’s just around this corner, but we might have already passed it. ”

“Well, can you find a place to turn around please??”

“I WILL! I just want to be certain that it’s not still up ahead and then I’ll turn around. Just STOP TALKING PLEASE!”

And then clarity struck.

HL and I are not the same person.

My inner monologue tells me to keep pushing until I get a sign of contrition, a conciliatory gesture, and then forgiveness explodes and the bubbling anger trickles back down into the cracks of my personality. HL’s inner monologue tells him to protect himself, defend against anything that threatens to upset his balance, even when it’s a reasonable irritation at something frustrating. And that insight led to my burst of clarity.

HL finds my pushing scary.

It’s upsetting if I don’t let up and allow him to retain/regain his balance. Even if all I’m looking for is an apology or any signs of regret, my escalating irritation has the entirely opposite effect.

It’s not an easy thing to grasp, rather than just ‘know’, that you and your spouse are DIFFERENT. We’ve been married for almost 10 years and I’ve only, just now, ‘got’ that my anger/annoyance/irritation can be frightening and put HL on the back foot, urgently defending himself.

I guess I had never quite understood the power of that anger, and always saw HL’s increasingly defensive actions as giving me less and less power, rather than more. Which, in turn, meant that I often increased my level of irritation just to provoke him into an apology, which increased his defensiveness, which left me feeling more powerless, which led to…well…ultimately, hours of coldness with each other.

My marriage is my most important human relationship (Ephesians 5:31-32). I am so grateful for this small moment of insight. ‘Backing off’ will be much easier because of it.

(We found the car minutes later and I wasn’t really that late to work. 🙂 )

Best and Worst

Best Thing of Today
An exhalation of tension at the end of the week

Worst Thing of Today
Spiritual abuse makes me feel sick. God is not the people who claim to be his followers.

Best and Worst

Best Thing of Today
Coming home to mounds of dirty dishes, trudging into the kitchen to begin the task and stopping short in shock and joy as I discover that HL has already done them

Worst Thing of Today
An annoying bugger of a mouth ulcer…I bit the inside of my cheek a few days ago and it just won’t heal. I do a lot of talking, and a lot of eating, and neither of them are easy with an irritated lump rubbing on my teeth.

Funny Things Said By My Husband

HL, after getting up, and stumbling to the bathroom first thing in the morning: I’m a pee farmer…the crop’s been good this year.

Worst and Best

Worst Thing of Today
Getting caught walking along the street singing Track 7 on this album

Best Thing of Today
Getting caught walking along the street singing Track 7 on this album … sometimes embarrassment can lead to bringing glory to God

Funny Things Said By My Husband

Me: Yay! We got fresh sheets on the bed, it’s so nice, I love fresh sheets!

HL: We’re going to have fresh sheets in the toilet too – later…

Me: Huh? Oh…gross…

HL: *chuckle*

Worst and Best

Worst Thing of Today
Much pain shooting down my neck and shoulder

Best Thing of Today
A massage from HL to make it feel better

Best and Worst

Best Thing of Today
Knitting in front of SeaChange – simple joys

Worst Thing of Today
Having to get up at 6.45am to call in sick, after that it was pretty good 🙂

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